Two weeks ago, I was going out of my friggin’ mind.
I had a big decision to make. A life-changing decision. One that could radically change my business, perhaps even dissolve it.
I was offered a job. A good one, with a well-established yet growing company that provided products and services I respected, even admired. This job would allow me to use a lot of my strengths, experience and skills to do work I loved: being a copywriting coach. The pay wasn’t fantastic, but it was fair.
BUT… in order to take this position, I’d have to let go of certain aspects of my own business, as well as my vision for what my business might become.
While I was excited and honored to be offered the job, my excitement quickly turned to agony. I didn’t know what to do.
One moment I’d think, “This is a perfect opportunity for me to do more of the work I love,” and the next, I’d be thinking, “Do I really want to be at someone else’s beck and call after all of these years being my own boss?” I’d wake up in the morning and think, “I’m going to take that job,” only to make a 180-degree turn around 4 hours later.
For days, I was jerking myself around on this back-and-forth tilt-a-whirl of indecision. And to make matters worse, I was running out of time. I had to decide quickly, within 2-3 days of receiving the offer.
On Thursday, August 22, I finally made my decision. And to be honest, I wasn’t completely sure it was the “right” one. But it was the “rightest” one at the time.
And while my decision-making process was agonizing, upsetting and emotionally exhausting, I learned a lot about myself, my mindset and what I believe is possible.
I also learned that when it comes to making big, important decisions… I suck! Sure, I can make those easy, everyday decisions without blinking an eye. But when it involves something that’s important to me, all I know how to do is suffer.
So, I called in the big guns to help me out.
Since I obviously don’t have a good formula for making decisions, I turned to four trusted experts I admire and asked them…
“When your clients need to make a huge, life-changing decision,
how do you help them gain clarity so they can make the best choice possible?
Here’s some of the brilliant advice I received from Jeanna Gabellini of Masterpeace Coaching, Teri Goetz of Teri Goetz.com, Kathleen Watson of Stepping Into Big and Blair Glaser of BlairGlaser.com.
Jeanna Gabellini – Master Business Coach, Law of Attraction Expert
The first person I called on in my quest to find decision-making mojo was Jeanna Gabellini, one of my most trusted friends and advisors. Jeanna is a cut-to-the-chase kind of coach who has tons of experience helping her clients navigate important decisions about their businesses so they can double (even triple) their profits.
Jeanna told me:
“Any time you make a decision, you need to tap into the barometer of your feelings. Your feelings will tell you whether you’re moving into something that feels good or not. If your choice doesn’t feel good, then you’re not fully aligned with that choice, which means either it’s the wrong decision, OR, the timing’s just not right.
“It’s also helpful to ask yourself, is there something I can tweak about this decision that would make it feel good? Is it a matter of timing? Do I have to make the decision right now? Can I slow this down and spend some time getting aligned with my choice?
“Either way, you need to trust how it feels to you. Sometimes, that can be hard to do, especially if a certain choice looks good on paper. But if all the facts and figures line up but for some reason, you’re just not sure, trust your gut. Trust how it feels to you.”
Teri Goetz — Mentor for Conscious Women, Transformation Expert
I’ve long admired Teri’s ability to lean into any situation, see past the superficial and get right to the heart of the matter. She has a unique gift for helping women transform their limiting beliefs so they can reclaim their excitement and passion and wake up every day to a life they love.
Teri told me:
“One thing I always ask is, ‘Is this choice taking me closer to my goal?’ So, first, you have to know what your goal is. What do you really want? Then, you need to ask yourself, is this something I really want to do? Or is it something I’m telling myself I should want to do because other people are telling me it’s the right thing to do. You have to be honest with yourself.”
Teri also shared a coaching process that helps people dive deep into the pain and the gain of any decision an explore how that decision impacts your present as well as your future.
“In some ways, this is a practical approach, exploring the pain and the gain,” explains Teri, “but you have to dig deep and examine more than just the logistics, like whether you’ll make more money or need to move to a different city. You have to look at what’s going on underneath those externals to what you believe about yourself and what’s possible as a result of your choice. As well as acknowledge that part of you that’s afraid to make a change, even if it appears to be aligned with your desired goal.”
Kathleen Watson – Take Action Expert & Coach
Kathleen is the High Priestess of taking action. Smart, strategic, stress-free action. She’s a whiz at helping entrepreneurs who feel like they’re a bouncing billiard ball on the pool table of life, moving from one activity to another without ever accomplishing their most important goals.
What I love about talking with Kathleen is that she has a well-practiced left-brain approach to things that beautifully balances my own highly right-brain tendencies.
Kathleen told me:
“Anytime I need to make a decision, I tend to revert back to left brain and make lists,” says Kathleen. “It works for me. I make a list of what I would gain by taking route A and what I’d give up by going route A. Then, I do the same kind of list for route B.”
But Kathleen really blew my mind when she referred to The Prioritizing Grid created by Richard Bolles, author of the perennial career bestseller What Color Is Your Parachute? This grid allows you to not only acknowledge what you’ll gain by going with option A or B, but it helps you see which of those gains are most compelling for you. Each gain or loss is given a certain weight or priority.
Kathleen recently used this grid when she and her husband were house-hunting.
“This process was fascinating, because I realized, after using the Prioritizing Grid, that despite the fact I’d been maniacal about telling my husband, “I want a house with a swimming pool! I want a house with a swimming pool!” it was more important to me to have a house that had a lot of character and charm. Knowing this made it so much easier when we’d see houses with incredible swimming pools but without an ounce of charm.”
Blair Glaser – Leadership Mentor, Psychotherapist, Consultant
I’d been reading Blair’s blog posts and Facebook updates for months before I actually met her in person. From her writing, she seemed smart, clever, funny and insightful. And when I finally met her in person, I got a strong intuitive hit: This is a woman who knows who she is, what she’s good at, and how to use what she’s good at to help others access the truth of who they are.
When I asked Blair if she had any secrets to share when it came to making decisions, she, like Teri, emphasized the importance of talking to someone who can ask you the right questions… questions that will allow you explore the images and scenarios that come to mind as you consider the possibilities within any decision.
She also emphasized the importance of not rushing into any one decision, to take the time to feel one’s way to the right choice.
Blair told me:
“With huge life decisions, rushing is a big mistake,” says Blair. “Sometimes there are deadlines, but if possible, give yourself time to let your true calling be known. If you can get quiet enough, you’ll know in your gut which choice feels better.”
She also said that:
“If you’ve given yourself enough time to sit and be with all the possibilities, feelings and images that come up around a certain choice, and you’re still on the fence, it can be helpful to reflect back on choices you’ve made in the past. They may have information for you. They may be able to give you a perspective that’s helpful.”
As for my own decision, I didn’t take the job.
I won’t go into all the reasons other than to say that, after changing my mind about 376 times, talking with trusted friends, and doing my best to tap into my own guidance, I realized I would be giving away too much for too little.
The job was alluring because I believed it could give me more freedom, financial ease and time to explore new things. But by questioning this belief, as well as others, I realized no job could give me what I wasn’t willing to give myself right now.
As my boo often says, “It’s more complicated than that.” But that’s the short-n-sweet version of the story.
But enough about me!
What about you? How do you make your most important decisions? Do you have a way that works for you? Have you had a decision-making experience that was especially tough?
Spill your thoughts, stories and insights in the comments section below. I’d love to hear from you.