I gave my voice away in 1970. And I’ve been trying to get it back ever since.
I was a teenager with a big singing voice who wasn’t shy about breaking into song… ever. From the soprano part of choral arrangements to my own renditions of Joni Mitchell tunes to any pop tune that came on the radio, I was always singing. I even fronted a high school rock and roll band where I sang songs like “Brown Sugar” by the Stones to Aretha Franklin’s “Respect” to Jefferson Airplane’s “Don’t You Want Somebody to Love.”
Singing was what I loved. And I was good at it.
Then, I started working with a voice teacher. Her name was Suzanne Russien Haig. And the second she heard my voice, she decided to turn me into an opera singer. And because I was young and in desperate need of approval, attention and someone who believed in me, I gave her my voice so she could classically train all the grit, power and soul out of it.
Of course, I never became an opera singer. Though I tried. I studied and trained in classical music throughout high school and until I graduated from the Conservatory of Music at the University of the Pacific.
And the second I graduated with my degree in Voice Performance, I stopped singing. Completely. For 18 years.
To this day when I sing, I have to work hard to let go of all that classical training and reconnect to my original authentic voice. The one I was born with. The unedited, undisciplined, untrained voice that’s connected to the deepest core of who I am.
So… who or what caused you to give away your voice?
I’m not talking about your singing voice necessarily but your wild, original, true-to-you self-expression. The voice that’s connected to the deepest core of your being. The one you rolled in with before your environment and all the people who cared for you taught you to be quiet, talk nice, or only speak when spoken to. Before you learned to always give the right answer, raise your hand, and never say anything that might displease, upset or anger anyone.
The truth is, we’ve all given away our true voice to one degree or another. We’ve disowned it, diminished it, rejected it, malnourished it and buried it so deep within we don’t even remember it’s there.
We’ve all had someone (or a lot of someones) like Mrs. Haig who “trained” us to use our voice in a way they found acceptable, non-threatening and pleasing.
Perhaps it was your father who told you to shut up and stop crying or he’d give you something to cry about. Or your mother who sent you to your room without dinner if you dared to express your anger. Or your 4th grade teacher who told you your question was stupid. Or your classmates who looked at your funny any time you laughed too loud.
No wonder that now, as adults, after years and years and years of obeying these messages, we get stumped, silent, confused and frustrated when it comes time stand up, speak out and use our voice to express what’s true, meaningful and important.
No wonder you sometimes struggle to find the right words when talking about your business or anything that matters to you.
No wonder you often feel as if you have nothing to say or share.
And no wonder you try to imitate the voice, personality, swagger and even the language of other popular entrepreneurs – the ones everyone seems to be paying attention to – in hopes that if you sound like them, perhaps everyone will like you, too.
Geez. It’s like high school all over again.
Have you noticed the latest “Voice of the Day?” The one every other female entrepreneur seems to be imitating lately? I call it “The Badass Voice.” This voice has an in-your-face, take-it-or-leave-it snarkiness combined with a healthy peppering of f-bombs, and a commanding, almost confrontational energy that screams “I don’t care what you think of me because I’m all that and a can of Coke.”
This voice used to be a bracing breath of fresh air. What a relief it was to hear a voice that told it like it was without apology or even common courtesy. It stood out amongst the more polished, professional voices used by more conservative successful entrepreneurs.
But now?
That Badass Voice is just another copy-cat mimicry. Because it’s been photocopied and used by a plethora of 20-45 year old women who want to be seen as fierce, feisty and unfuckwithable. (Uh, by the way, that word “unfuckwithable?” It was created by Ash Ambirge. One of the most original voices in Internet land today. Which is why everyone copies her).
I get it though. When you read someone’s copy and the voice is strong, when it makes you pay attention and think “Hey, this chick is fierce!” you want your own voice to have the same effect.
But when you try to sound like someone else, when you’re tempted to steal their style, tone and even their words, it never works.
For how can you say what you really mean or express who you really are with someone else’s voice? How can you possibly make an authentic connection with anyone if you’re communicating with a voice you’ve borrowed from someone else?
You can’t.
And the only reason you try is because you’ve lost your connection to your own unique voice. And as a result, you don’t think you can cut through the noise, stand out, be noticed and be “liked” by all those thousands of people on social media unless you adopt a voice and personality that’s not your own.
But that’s a lot of horse patootie.
You do have a unique voice. Your original, raw, wild voice… it’s as distinct and one-of-a-kind as your thumbprint.
You just need to find a way to let it out of its cage so it can roam, romp and roar as it was meant to.
How can you begin to liberate your own wild voice?
There are several ways.
And it just so happens I’ll be sharing one of the most productive and easiest ways to revive and reconnect with your wild voice in an upcoming free webinar “P.S. I Love You: How to Quickly and Easily Write Heart-to-Heart Copy That Captivates, Connects and Converts Prospects into Paying Clients.” Not only will you learn a 5-step process for writing compelling copy, you’ll learn a process for freeing up your true voice as well.
Meanwhile, there are a few other ways that have helped me as well. Some of them are more unconventional than others, but here are three:
Make sounds
This may sound crazy and odd and even unappealing to you. But it could change your life, profoundly open up your self-expression and get you deeply connected not only to your voice but your higher self.
Sit or stand, close your eyes. Take some nice, sweet deep breaths in to your belly. Then, invite the voice of your soul to emerge. You don’t have to know what your soul voice is or how to get it to show up. All you need do is invite it to be present.
Then, hum. Just hum softly on any note. It doesn’t matter. Just invite the energy of your true voice to be present and hum.
Then, allow yourself to start making sounds. Growls. Pops. Eeeks. Breathy roars. Peeps. Chirps. Anything that comes to you. They should be non-verbal to start. No words, just tones and noise and any kind of spontaneous sound that happens to come out of your mouth.
The sounds themselves are not important or even significant. So don’t judge them. Just let them come as they will. What is important is your willingness to invite your wild voice home and give it the space and sounds it needs to do so.
There is no right or wrong way to do this. And the more playful you can be, the better.
Warning: Do not do this in public or in within hearing range of your spouse, kids or friends. Not only will it cramp your style and freedom, you could end up being escorted to a psychiatric hospital.
Pay Attention
Pay attention to those whose voices or ways of expressing themselves turn you on, speak to you, and resonate deeply with you. Such as artists, musicians, speakers, entrepreneurs, bloggers, writers, and other creative who express themselves or communicate in a way that affects you.
You don’t have to analyze why these people’s voices impact you. Just notice how their expression makes you feel. Do they make your feel peaceful? Excited? Hopeful? Amused?
Chances are good that those whose voices turn you on will stimulate, feed and awaken your own authentic voice. Not because they are similar to your own voice, though they could be, but because they will touch, stir and connect with your soul, with the core of who you are.
Either way, you will be immersing yourself in self-expression that resonates with you and this will tickle your own true voice, give it encouragement and the strength to make itself known
Write with Passion
What makes you mad? What do you care about more than life itself? What do you believe in with a passion?
Write about it. Give yourself 15 minutes to write without stopping about something that gets you fired up. From Donald Trump to the latest gossip about your favorite pop singer. Whatever elicits a lot of feeling and energy from you.
When you connect with your passion, you connect with your vital life force energy. This is the energy of your soul. Give that energy voice! Speak it, write it, let it fly!
One more thing…
I can’t prove it. I have no science or statistics to back me up. But I believe our self-expression when it’s connected to and coming from our wild, raw soul voice is essential to our well-being: physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. It is key to our sense of self-worth, self-esteem and self-confidence.. as well as to our ability to connect wholeheartedly with others, to feel included, accepted and loved.
Until you liberate your wild voice and fully express yourself, you stay tucked inside a miniature, mutated version of yourself… one that may not ruffle any feathers and make you feel safe… momentarily. But dampens and diminishes your aliveness, your gifts and your ability to be fully present and be who you truly are.
So, I hope you’ll join me on Thursday, August 25, for “P.S. I Love You: How to Quickly and Easily Write Heart-to-Heart Copy That Captivates, Connects and Converts Prospects into Paying Clients,” so you can discover my favorite way to revive and reconnect with your true voice while learning a 5-step process for writing copy that gets people excited and interested in working with you.
It’s free. And it’s freeing. And you can find out more here: