3:06 am. I’m lying in bed, awake, sweating and full of anxiety. My heart feels like it’s being crushed inside my chest. I just want to sleep, but my body is agitated and my mind is being pummeled by worry, doubt and fear.
These are the Anxiety Hours. Those hours between 2:00 am and 4:00 am where the three monsters of worry, fear and doubt show up. They keep me shivering under the sheets with thoughts that feel as life-threatening as a switchblade at my throat. While these thoughts can range from something as pedestrian as “Oh no! I forgot to call such-and-such! What else did I forget?” to darker questions, like “What the hell am I doing with my life? Is this what I want? Am I making a huge mistake?,” every thought is charged with a nightmarish energy that can obliterate any shred of hope, trust, safety or self-confidence I may have.
What is it about those early morning hours that makes everything feel impossible, scary and overwhelming? The smallest challenge becomes huge and impossible to tackle. It’s as if I’ve entered a house of mirrors where everything is distorted. My plans, dreams and ideas appear as idiotic, irrational or way too risky. Little mistakes feel like monumental failures. And regrets! Oh, the Anxiety Hours loves a long parade of regrets.
Now, I could be wrong, but my guess is that every entrepreneur has at one time or another experienced the Anxiety Hours. They may not arrive late at night, as mine do, but whenever they arrive, they usually bring those monsters: Fear, Doubt and Worry — that mean, merciless gang of three that loves to scare you away from your decisions to go after what you want, to invest in yourself, your business or your big dreams.
When I was living in California, after deciding to move to New York, I would wake up almost every night around 2:00 or 3:00 am, filled with dread and fear. During those hours, I would be so shaken, so scared by the decision I’d made to leave my husband, my home, my community and move across the country to a strange new state. I’d get out of bed, pace the floor and say to myself, “Forget about it! I’m not going. What was I thinking? There’s no way I’m going to leave. I’m staying right here. This is where I’m safe, here in this house, in this town. I’m not going. No way.”
But by 6:00 am, I’d go make tea, sit at my favorite window with my journal and my cat, and I’d ask myself, “Am I going?” And every morning, for three months of mornings, the answer was always, “Yes.”
This is what fascinates me about the Anxiety Hours. The doubts, fears and worries that appear during that time are so convincing, so intimidating and seemingly so real. Yet, when the sun comes up, those same thoughts and fears go limp, as if the sun took away their power. I can think the same thought presented during the Anxiety Hours at 6:00 am, and not feel one iota of panic or anxiety.
As a veteran of the Anxiety Hours, I have discovered some ways to outwit an attack of the three monsters… somewhat. Granted, sometimes I have more success than others. It depends. For instance, if the monsters are feeding upon thoughts relating to what I need to do tomorrow, or the bills I need to pay, or the client who never paid me, then I can pretty well remove their food bowl and send them on their way using the methods I describe below.
If I’m wrestling with deeper issues, like, “Is this the life I want? Am I making a mistake? Am I moving in the right direction?,” well, then, I usually need to wait until the light of day, when the monsters drag themselves back to their secret cave and I regain some sense of personal power.
But if you, like me, have those dark times when the monsters are at your throat and in your brain, and you can’t seem to find your faith in yourself, your abilities, your decisions and your own divine guidance, try the steps I’ve outlined for you below. More often than not, these steps will send those monsters packin’!
Step #1: If you can go back to sleep, do so!
Your best choice is to turn over and go back to sleep because in the morning, as trite as it sounds, everything will look and feel much different. Unfortunately, for some of us, going back to sleep is not an option. If this is the case with you, move on to #2.
Step #2: Get up, turn on the light and grab a pen and some paper.
Don’t lie there sweating and suffering. Get up! Turn on the light and go somewhere where you can sit and write for a bit. I know, you’re tired. I know you want to try to sleep. But it’s not working! So get up already.
Take pen to paper and answer the following questions:
1. What am I afraid of, really? What is really bugging me?
Get it all out and onto the page! Every little niggly doubt, fear or worry. All of it. “I forgot to pick up the dry cleaning.” “There’s no milk for breakfast.” “My life feels empty and meaningless.” From the deep to the disposable, get it all on the page.
2. What do I want?
Okay, you know what’s bugging you. Now, what do you want? What do you want your life to look like, to feel like? Do you want someone who can pick up the damned dry cleaning for you? Do you want to feel less pushed and pressured all day? What is it you want? Get it all out onto the page.
Ask for what you want and know it’s on its way.
You can call it prayer, you can call it affirmation, you can call it ordering take-out. I don’t care what you call it, but ask That Which Is Unseen for what you want. Ask, then let go, knowing your request is heard and in the best of hands. Ask, and let go. Ask, and let go.
You may not have a clue as to how you’ll get what you asked for, but that doesn’t matter. You’ve placed your order. Now trust the cosmic chefs to cook it up and serve it just right.
Step #3: Cry… if you can.
Crying is a blessed release, especially AFTER you’ve gotten clear on what’s bothering you and you’ve sent your request out into the night. If you move into crying before those first three steps, you can end up in hysteria and scare yourself even more. But if you cry to honor what you’re feeling, as a way to let that energy move through you, it can soothe instead of upset you.
Now, if you just can’t cry, for whatever reason, then just be. Close your eyes and be with whatever feeling or energies you may be experiencing, and see if you can just let those energies move through you and move on.
Step #4: Decide what’s next.
What can you do, right away or in the morning, to move closer to what you want?
Your answer could be something as simple as changing your daily schedule or as significant as letting go of a relationship that’s no longer serving you. Either way, try to focus on the next simple step you can take. Try to avoid big dramatic leaps, like moving to another state or getting plastic surgery. Focus, instead, on the thing you can do as soon as the sun comes up, if not before, that will feel good to you and move you closer to what you want for yourself.
Step #5: Determine what kind of support you need to move closer to what you want.
This is where too many of us entrepreneurs fall flat on our faces. We don’t reach out and ask for help or support. Maybe you do need someone to pick up your dry cleaning! Is that so horrible? Maybe you just need a chat with a close friend. Or you need to hand off some more tasks to your assistant. Maybe you need to contact that business coach you’ve been thinking about.
Ask the question, and let the answer come. Then, take action and get the support you need.
And when the Sun Comes Out…
Well, as I said, everything will feel differently once you are out of the Anxiety Hours. Nevertheless, take action on what you wrote during the night. Take that next step. Ask for support. Make that phone call. Redesign your daily schedule.
Because this is what I know about the Anxiety Hours: nothing is as bad or as impossible or as horrible as it may seem during those hours. Those monsters of Fear, Doubt and Worry are less threatening in the light of day.
But there are gifts to be received from those hours. It could be that that’s the only time you have to feel and confront the fears and doubts that seethe below the surface of your every day life. Yes, it can be extremely unpleasant. But confronting those thoughts and fears will allow you to let go of whatever has been keeping you from what you truly want.
So, get up. Face the monsters. They aren’t so scary, once you slay them with your pen, paper and willingness to get clear, take action and keep moving forward.