Is anything more joyful and full of fun than a new puppy?
Such a little bouncy bundle of cuddly cuteness, right?
Sometimes. Sometimes not.
3 weeks ago, my dear friend Dee Dee and her husband adopted a 3-month year old rescue puppy, a Mastiff-Lab mix with mottled chocolate-colored fur and the sweetest blue-green eyes. They named her Mathilde.
Both Dee Dee and her husband had been craving some doggy energy for over a year, ever since their beloved yellow mutt Tutu (one of the sweetest dogs I’ve ever met) had died of old age. So, when they brought home their rambunctious new puppy Mathilde, they were thrilled.
For about 24 hours.
While Dee Dee considered herself an expert at training dogs and puppies, Mathilde proved to be an unexpected challenge.
“She chews everything!” Dee Dee would tell me. “Including us. She nips at our noses and hands… as if we’re her favorite chew toy. And I can’t leave her alone for a second, or she’ll get into something she’s not supposed to. Oh, and even though we take her outside every 2 hours or so, she insists on peeing and shitting in the house.”
All of this seemed like normal puppy behavior to me, and I told Dee Dee so. “She’s just being a puppy!” I’d say. “She’s going to want to chew everything in sight. And she’s not house broken yet. It’s okay. You just need to give her a chance.”
“I know,” Dee Dee said. “It’s just that we’re both so exhausted. We haven’t had any sleep because one of us needs to get up every 2 hours to take her outside to pee. And we have to let her sleep with us in bed because if we don’t, she yowls all night long.”
As the days and weeks went by, Dee Dee’s phone calls and long lists of complaints continued. I could hear the exhaustion in her voice. And something more. Worry. Unease. Even despair.
Then, one day, a deeper, darker truth emerged.
Dee Dee called in tears. She started to share her frustrations with Mathilde and her own confusion around what to do. But then, through deep rattling sobs, she burst forth with what was really upsetting her.
“To write effective copy that connects deeply with your prospect or client, you want to be aware of both your clients’ complaints as well as those deeper, darker feelings of fear, doubt and despair.”
Her husband now hated the puppy because she wouldn’t behave. He told Dee Dee that if she wanted to keep Mathilde, she was on her own when it came to training her. Now Dee Dee was afraid that she’d made a terrible mistake, a mistake that would put an irreversible strain on her marriage.
She was also trembling with the realization that now, she was in this alone. Without any support, emotional or otherwise, from her husband. She also felt like a complete and utter failure.
As I spoke with Dee Dee, soothed her worst fears and led her to some obvious solutions, like hiring a puppy trainer, getting some help, I was so aware that none of her distress was about the puppy anymore. It was about her marriage and her intense feelings of abandonment. It was about feeling like a failure and being scared that she was stuck in a no-win situation… and somehow, she was to blame.
Your clients have complaints, worries, problems and frustrations. Just like Dee Dee did about her puppy. Just like we all do when things don’t go our way or we’ve been presented with unexpected challenges.
But more often than not, these every day complaints are connected our deeper, darker, more debilitating feelings and fears.
For Dee Dee, her complaints were about the puppy chewing on her living room pillows and yowling at night. But the deeper fear tethered to the complaint was that if she can’t find a way to train this puppy, she may be forever at odds with her husband.
Your potential client may complain that she can’t attract enough clients. But really, her deeper fears are that her business will fail, she’ll have to file bankruptcy, and she’ll disappoint herself and those she loves.
Your client may complain of severe back pain whenever he moves from sitting to a standing position, but his deeper fear is that this pain will never go away. Or it will get so bad he may not be able to stand up unassisted. Or that he could make a wrong move and be flat on his back for weeks.
Your client may be sick and tired of feeling stuck, uninspired and completely bored with her work. But her deeper fear is that she’s wasted 20 years of her life doing a job she hates and that she may never find work she loves. And one day, she’ll wake up and realize her entire life has passed her by.
To write effective copy that connects deeply with your prospect or client, you want to be aware of both your clients’ complaints as well as those deeper, darker feelings of fear, doubt and despair. Sometimes, you’ll want to acknowledge and speak directly to those darker fears in your copy in order to create a more intimate connection with your client and to inspire her to do something to relieve those fears once and for all.
But even if you don’t address those deeper fears directly in your copy or communications, you should be aware of them. Know what is truly troubling your client when she complains about this or that. Those complaints are real and valid, and they are often, if not always, expressing a deeper issue or darker fear. One that drives your client and influences her decisions.
By the way, Dee Dee and her new puppy are getting along so much better now. They’ve hired a puppy trainer to help them, and both Dee Dee and her husband are united in their love and commitment to Mathilde.