Cheese. I love it.
If I didn’t have such a temperamental digestive system, I’d eat it every day.
But not just any old cheese though.
I’d indulge in triple cremes from France.
Gruyere from Switzerland.
Fontina from Italy.
And strong, stinky gorgonzola. Heaven!
But as much as I love eating cheese, I hate it when it’s oozing out of someone’s headline.
I’m talking about headlines that are so cheap, dull, exaggerated, overblown, trite, or unbelievable that they… stink.
They stink of cheese.
And not in a good way.
Which is why today’s video tutorial is all about how to avoid writing cheap or cheesy headlines and write creative, captivating and credible ones instead.
Take a look.
After you’ve watched the tutorial, review your own headlines and see if you can de-cheesify them.
Or post the headlines you’re working on in the comments below, and we’ll work on them together.
Here’s a transcript of the above video:
Your headline is the most important part your copy. Why? Because if your headline stinks, no one’s going to read the rest of your message!
It doesn’t matter that you spent 48 million hours writing this amazing, exquisite sales page. If the headline on that page doesn’t grab people and get them to want to keep reading, it’s not going to get read.
Your headline’s job is to get people – the right people, your target audience – to read the rest of your copy so you can… get the opt-in or make the sale. Or just get the right people interested.
So, today we’re going to talk about cheap and cheesy headlines. Those are headlines that are so bland, trite, boring or over-promising they turn off your best clients off. Plus, I’ll give you some ways to remedies for cheap and cheesy headlines.
First… how can you tell if your headline is cheap or cheesy?
If it’s too simple or generic. Like, “Get clients with Facebook ads.” Or, “Lose 10 pounds in a week.” You’ve heard it before. It’s so bleh. ,There’s no personality and zero creativity. It’s what I call a cheap headline becauwe not much went into creating it.
Let’s take this headline for instance:
“A simple formula for enrolling high ticket clients with Facebook ads on a small budget.”
Okay, there’s nothing inherently wrong with this headline, except that it’s grammatically incorrect. If you look at it, it looks like it’s the Facebook ads that have the small budget. Or maybe it’s the clients that have the small budget? The way it’s worded is confusing.
Plus, the word “simple.” It’s overused and, well, simple. Wouldn’t this headline have more spark if it was a “3-step formula” or a “5-minute formula?” Those specifics add more punch and pop.
And the adjective “high ticket.” Do you know what a high ticket client is? You get the gist of it, but again, it’s one of those mealy adjectives that doesn’t really add any power of your headline. You’d be better off using a simpler phrase, like “your best clients” because that would be closer to what people think to themselves. They aren’t thinking, “How do I get high ticket clients?”
Then there’s the word “small.” Small budget. It’s fine,but it would be so much more powerful if you used something like, “A budget of $50 a week.” You could even say, “teeny tiny budget,” which at least has more personality.
Now let me give you an example of a headline about the same subject – Facebook ads – that really does work:
“One simple tweak boosted my Facebook ads into 384% ROI winners…
without changing ads, images, or pages”
Now, that’s a pretty compelling headline.
It’s personal, because this guy is talking about his own experience with Facebook ads. And while he uses the adjective “simple,” at least it’s paired with an interesting noun like “tweak.” “Boosted” is not one of my favorite verbs so I would probably say “turned my Facebook ads,” but it still works.
The real power of this headline is in the last part – the “384% return on investment winners.” Now that’s powerful. Then, it goes further to sooth the objections by saying, “without changing the ads, images or pages.” That’s what makes this headline very compelling.
The third thing you want to avoid to prevent your headlines from being cheap or cheesy is the use of a lot of adverbs. Those are the modifiers to a verb. For instance, this headline:
“Fill your live events quickly and profitably”
“Quickly” and “profitably” are adverbs, and they weaken the headline. They weaken all of your copy, so you always want to use them sparingly, but especially in your headlines.
This person would have been much better off with a headline that read something like:
“6-figures in 6 Hours:
How to fill your next event with perfect, ready-to-buy prospects”
That’s a much more powerful and specific headline, don’t you think? On the other hand, you might think, “Well, that sounds a little cheesy and over-promising.” Okay, then tone it down. But at least it’s more specific and original.
Here’s another example:
“Transform your unhappy marriage into happily ever after.”
I think you already know what’s wrong with this one. It’s somewhat unbelievable and really cheap because not a lot went into this headline. It’s not specific, and there’s no personality in it. This person would be better off saying something like:
‘
“Rekindle the romance. Reignite the passion. Renew your vows.”
Now sometimes you can have a headline that follows all the rules, but it still stinks of cheese. I’m going to give you an example:
“How to attract high ticket clients every month using a simple, 4-page website and magic script” while being 100% authentic and without using sleazy sales tactics”
This has got everything and the kitchen sink in it! It’s as if someone’s taken a bunch of different phrases from other headlines and stitched them together. The only thing that’s really original in this headline is “4-page website” – that’s specific. But the magic script? Give me a break.
And while this headline does soothe objections – “while being 100% authentic and without using sleazy sales tactics” – how many times have we heard that before? A lot. Plus, it’s somewhat unbelievable with that “magic script” element.
So, sometimes, you can’t pin the problem on something obvious, like overusing adverbs or lazy verbs. Sometimes, you just smell cheese. So, snif it out. If it reads like cheese, it’s cheese.
Let’s recap the warning signs of a cheap and cheesy headline.
First, if your headline sounds like every other headline you’ve seen. Like, “Lose five pounds this week.”
Second, if you’ve got weak or overused adjectives and verbs. Make sure you use adjectives and verbs that have some punch and life to them, ones that aren’t trite or overused.
Third, cool it on the adverbs. Like, “quickly” “easily” “madly” “passionately.” One is okay. Just don’t overdo it.
Next, sniff it out. If it sounds a little overblown, a little hyped-up, or bland, or weak… tweak it so your headline has personality, strong words, and credibility. As well as a splash of creativity.